‘The Mountain’ (2014)

You hold my hand and the world disappears. I look up at the top of the mountain, and I can see it there glowing, waiting for us. My eyes fall down the side of the mountain and to the hardships awaiting us. I swap our hands around, entwining our fingers and gripping tightly, there will be nothing to come between us as we climb to the top…

I look you in the eye, my determination to get us there is reflected in your eyes, so alive with sparkle and energy…

Together we will make it, I squeeze your hand as though to confirm it, together we can conquer and achievement anything…

I whisper “I love you, I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else but you, you are my everything, you are the extra energy in my walk, the reason I smile, you are what gets me up in the morning and…”

I pause…

“You are my reason for wanting to be a better person, I want to be the best for you…so before we start this journey I want to tell you that I love you and that getting us up there, up to the top is my small way of saying thank you, thank you for being by my side through everything…you know and have shown me the true meaning of the words love and support…

And now it’s my turn to repay you…

I take your hand and begin our ascent…

As I grab your hand, the connection we have is completed and each of the precious memories of us flow into me, my memories, your memories racing around my body and into my thoughts…

The smile on your face as you giggle at something you find hilarious, the smile which sets me alight…

I try and banish the moments when I thought I’d lost you, the moments when I awoke alone and through a haze of disorientation felt my heart pumping at the thought or the reality of not waking by your side, the place I know I was meant to be, the way the panic and then sadness filled me up from my toes to the tips of what little hair I have…the sick sense of loss, the stomach churning ache of loss, the flip side of the butterflies in the stomach feeling of seeing the person you truly love…the shake and the overwhelming wave that rushes through everything in your world…that rushed through everything in my world like a tsunami, the subsequent after waves lapping at my prostrate & paralysed floating body…

Thoughts banished…that’s in the past and this is now…this is for our future…

I grab your hand tighter than before…

The memory of the dappled sunlight streaming through the budding tree, the lapping of the waters which flow along the canal side, the breeze, the cool grass tickling our toes, the sound of your breaths as you lay your head on my chest…the pork pie crumb clinging on to the corner of you mouth…

Our fingers tangle, your hand is warm and comforting as it always has been…as it has since the first day I met you and flung my arms around you, greeting you like a long-lost friend. We both agreed at that moment and every moment we’ve spoken about it since that we had known each other before, and before that…and before that. In you I recognised a historic love, a live which had existed through the ages and through many eras before that moment where we were stood in your hall way…my heart knew yours, my soul recognised yours and I felt I was home. I was finally home in your arms…

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